I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No subtext here. People are naked.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
