Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
