Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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