I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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