So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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