At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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