Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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