i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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