The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
