I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
