I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
did you just send me my own nude
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
