dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
NoShamevember. You game?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
