Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
