I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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