One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
