There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
