i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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