i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
