Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
