Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
