shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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