I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
