the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
