I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
