I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
