we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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