I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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