The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Found the puke drawer
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
