Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
