sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
