would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
