Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
