she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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