I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
