I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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