I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
