We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
