I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
