Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
