he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
