two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
