anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
