Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
