Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
