That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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