You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
