I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
