He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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