So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
