she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
