i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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