so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
