i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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