I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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