the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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